Whaddya Know?

There are two things that drive me, Officer X, completely nuts when I’m out there writing tickets. Let’s say I catch somebody in a red zone (I wish you people would stop feeding my pet peeve already! He’s big enough as it is). When I pull up along side them to chase them out (which is not what I prefer to do but hey, Lieutenant’s orders) and I say to them “You can’t stop in the red (I respectfully leave out the word - asshole)” they will say one of two things in response. (No. Guess again. No. Okay, let me tell you.) They will say either, “I know.” To which I will generally say “You know but you did it anyway?” leaving out the word I’d love to scream, or they say “Oh, I didn’t know.” Really? You didn’t know? You have a driver’s license but you didn’t know that you can’t stop, stand or park in the friggin’ red? Wow, you really are an asshole then aren’t ya? Red means NO pretty much everywhere in the universe except maybe Mars. Is that where you’re from?


Sometimes I’ll ask them if they indeed have a driver’s license. Hey, you never know. When they start to say something again, I usually just chase them out with sharp words and mean looks (It’s fun. Try it sometime.) because I really do not want to hear their mealy-mouthed excuses.

The red can be stopped in if it’s an emergency. An emergency. A real one. Not something you decide is an emergency. The list is endless of what people think is an emergency so I’ll spare you. Sometimes, if I can remember and I am not crabby from not having eaten, I’ll ask the person if they are having car trouble. If they say yes then my whole demeanor changes. I actually do want to be helpful to people who can use my help. After all, with my trusty police-issued radio, I can summon policemen, firemen, ambulances, you name it. Well, ice cream men maybe not. But if they are not having car trouble and are just being stupid, then I go crazy behind my phony smile. I tell you, it’s tough on my back teeth. I’m grinding them down to nubs.

So please, if I ask you about being stopped in the red or any other of the dozens of parking infractions that you are doing or about to be doing, don’t say “I know” or “I didn’t know.” It makes me insane. Ya know?

Ten-Seven