Yeah, that's the ticket.

Let's talk about parking tickets, shall we?

Saturday, July 6, 2013


Hello citizens,

Occasionally a strange day will just sneak up on you. Last week I had such a day and only now, after a few hearty meals, some good nights of rest, and more than one cold shower, am I ready to write about it.

It all started when I was doing my morning sweeper route. The very last car on my route was from out of state. I won't say where so as to save that state, a state I've been to and admire, a lot of embarrassment. The vehicle in question was TEN YEARS out of registration. I didn't mean to shout back there, but in my ten years of doing this job, I've never seen a vehicle that delinquent. Now obviously, this person drove the car here to California recently with the full intention of registering it here and being a good citizen. Either that or they were just trying to get over on the system. Either way, after pushing my eyeballs back into my head, I had the vehicle towed away. The mind reels (well, mine does anyway - and frequently) at the cost in penalties, towing, fines, and other charges this person has racked up because they made the mistake of leaving their car where it shouldn't have been. After all, if it had been on the other side of the street, I would have driven by and not even noticed it. Mistakes can be costly as we can see.

After that, the day got weirder. I heard a call go out to the police about a pig (yes, a real one - be careful now) that was running amok in the street. This type of call is most unusual as we don't get a lot of pigs doing this. Most of our pigs are quite well-behaved, thank you very much. Listening to the police chatter about it on the radio was amusing, but I'm just glad the pig was not illegally parked or I might have been called to the scene. I can only handle a pig if it is sliced into bacon and put on a cheeseburger.

Later in the day, another strange call came in. This time I happened to be in the office doing some paperwork (oh, the drudgery of it all), and a blind woman called to complain about loud squirrels that were at her window taunting her. .... I'm going to let you sit with that last sentence for a while. ........

Okay, we're back. I don't know what she expected the police to do about this. The last squirrel arrest on record was way back in '42 and that wasn't for taunting, it was for nut stealing. Make your own joke, if you must. I suppose there were many ways for this woman to handle what was for her, obviously, a difficult situation, all of them better than calling the cops.

You would think that I was through with animals for the day but it was not to be. I got a call from my wife in the afternoon. She was at a clothing boutique with her daughter (my step-daughter) and wanted me to come by right away. Thinking there was some kind of clothing choice emergency, I sped there as only a police vehicle can speed through town. When I went inside, they just wanted to show me that the proprietors of the place had kittens for adoption. A cruel trick. Kittens are hard to resist, but I was forceful (you should have seen me). I put my foot down. Thankfully not on one of the kittens. What a day, what a day.