I'm A Believer

Hi folks.

I haven’t written in a while because, frankly, I just haven’t been feeling it. Ya know? When a job you’ve been at for a while gets you into a slow, steady rhythm it can become its own form of highway hypnosis. Especially after the holidays. Then, something comes along and bingo, we’re back in business.

Today I was citing a car that was about three quarters of the way in the red (they still get the full ticket though). A guy who had parked across the street in a two hour zone got out of his car and came over to talk to me. This is usually to ask me if it’s okay for him to park there. Paranoia: so much fun when it’s not mine.

Now mind you, he was on the “other side” of the sign and the sign had no arrow on it pointing to where the sign applies, which indicates that the rule on that sign applies to the entire block. He came over to me and this is how it went (approximately):

Him: Is it okay to park over there?

Me: Yes, for two hours.

Him: But I’m on the other side of the sign.

Me: Is there an arrow on the sign pointing away from your car?

Him: No.

Me: Then the rule applies to the whole block.

Him: But I FIRMLY believe that if I’m on the other side of the sign, I’m okay there.

Me (This is the fictional part that played out in my mind): Oh. You FIRMLY believe. Well, okay then. If you were wishy-washy about it, I’d say no. But since you FIRMLY believe, well, of course. Do whatever you like. In fact, why don’t you try that with every law on the books? ‘Officer, you can’t arrest me for robbing that store. I FIRMLY believe I had a right to do it, because there is no sign on the outside saying not to rob the place.’ Or, 'Mister, I FIRMLY believe I should smash you in the head with this two by four because you insulted my girlfriend.’ Your beliefs are caca, my friend, and totally meaningless!

I wish I could say this type of stuff. It would make my job a hell of a lot more fun. Instead, I told him AGAIN that because the sign had no arrow, the rule applied to the entire block. So, he turned on his heel, got into his car and moved it elsewhere.

I FIRMLY believe he is an idiot.

Ten-seven