Some call them Tabs, some call them Tags but we all know them as those little sticky things one must put on our license plates (except in some states where you put something in the windshield or in New Jersey where you don't need any at all - Go, Mafia!). The thing that amazes me is, some people feel this simple task absolutely MUST become an art project. They take the even smaller sticky part, the one that says Peel Here, and they put that all over their plate making it look like some kind of fruit salad that has exploded. This can make the plate difficult to read at times (maybe that's their evil intent? ... Nah.). By the way, there is a statute about altering the plate making it difficult to read. I'm just saying.
Then there are the "artists" who take the year tabs and layer them one after the other in a kind of colorful waterfall, or maybe a rainbow. Whenever I see this I wonder if they'll run out of room on the plate or the car will give up the ghost first.
Then you get the people who put one tab over another...and another...and another...and another until the tabs stand about three inches away from the plate. This is a bad idea. You see, people (and here I'm referring to unscrupulous people) have a tendency to steal tabs. [Really? Oh, horrors!] Yes, they do. This way, they can try to fake us (and the state) out and they don't register their car. I love catching people who don't register their cars. And we do catch them. Usually when they do something stupid. You'd be shocked to find out (as we are) how long some people go without registering their cars. This is another bad mistake. When we catch you (and we wiiiiilllll), it is soooo expensive to register it then, what with all the penalties and fees, etc. Oh, boy.
I'm not even going to mention those who put a year tab over the month tab. These people are just dumb. Oops, I guess I just mentioned them.
Look, here's the thing: when you get your tabs in the mail, take the old one off with a razor blade. Put the new one where it goes (usually upper right corner people, come on) and then using the same razor blade, score it (that means make cut lines in it so no one can steal it in one swipe) and there you go. You'd be astounded at how many people get tickets because their tabs are not on the plate and then they come out and show us where they are - in their glove box! Or they say, I'm waiting until I wash the car (just wash that spot!), or my mechanic does it for me (ladies, please).
So, whether you call them tabs or tags, you know where to stick them.
Ten-Seven
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
PCO
We are called PCOs, that is, Parking Control Officers. I realized today that you can't spell proctologist without the letters PCO. We might as well be called proctologists because we deal with so many assholes every day. Sorry to be so harsh but if you had the day I did today, you'd be sounding off this way too. Let me say first that the rich really are different than you and me. They're assholes. They think they are so privileged that the rules do not apply to them. People who work in show business can really be self-important assholes. They actually think what they do is important and that the rules don't apply to them at all. People who can't read a simple sign or who don't know that red means NO pretty much all over the world are assholes. What is it that makes people who may be quite nice outside of their cars, become such assholes the minute they get in? Are we breathing some kind of fumes in there that we don't know about? You'll notice I include myself in that last question. Sometimes, when I drive I can be an asshole too. But not when I park. Then I try to follow the rules. Why? I don't want to get a parking ticket. Apparently this does not apply to assholes. Ugh. I'm wiped out. 10-7
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tow Head
Greetings,
Something I haven't written about yet is when I must tow a vehicle away. Not just cars either. I've towed thirty-foot motor homes, trailers (some with boats on them), motorcycles, semi trucks, 60's vans, even a scooter once (!). With a little kid still on it! No, no just kidding there. He went into the ice cream shop and while he wasn't looking....again, just kidding. I can't help myself, you know.
Anyway, there are only a few reasons why a vehicle might get towed away (almost sounds like it's never coming back - and I wish some of them wouldn't!). The most common is that the vehicle's registration has lapsed. If it's six months out of date, we can impound it. We can't crush it into a cube, but honestly, sometimes we'd like to. If it's been stored on the street in the same place for more than seventy-two hours, we can take it. Now look, we are on to all the tricks. If you move it across the street or roll it forward or backward, this does not constitute "moving the vehicle." Yes, technically it has "moved" but don't be a wiseguy. We left you that little red tag for a reason: so you'd read it and learn the law. Too bad if you didn't.
There are other reasons to tow as well. A common one is a street sign that says in effect, If You Park Here We Will Tow Your Car Away. I wish it said that in reality and not just in effect because people will park there anyway and completely ignore the sign that simply says Tow-Away Zone No Parking Any Time. It's amazing how many of those kinds of tows we get, whether they are the temporary type signs put up because of a parade, street repair or some other street work that needs a-doin', or the regular old street signs on poles. You know, the ones people routinely ignore anyway.
There are also the cars that are simply abandoned. There are cars that are missing parts (like engines) that may be hazards and can be towed for that reason (I wish you could tow away some people who are hazards but, sadly, we're not there yet). And there are cars that are parked illegally, like in a red zone for instance, that have no proof of registration - no plates, no VIN. Why anyone would do that is a complete mystery. Maybe they hate the car and are trying to get rid of it or maybe it's just a bad case of the Stupid Flu.
Then there are those vehicles we find that have more than five unpaid parking tickets in our computer system. We call those "keepers." Oooh, what fun. I enjoy running the paperwork back at the station and seeing exactly how much the person owes. Sometimes it's been more than $1,000. Can you imagine? I would start a keeper "pool" and take bets on how much the person owes and whoever is closest gets the money. But I can't do that. The police wouldn't like it. Gambling on duty and all. Bummer.
One quick story: a few weeks ago I impounded a young woman's SUV which I found out really belonged to her father back in the Midwest. I was furious at the old man. What the heck was he doing letting his daughter drive out west in a car that wasn't registered? For over a year! The plate was even listed in the system as "destroyed." Destroyed? I saw it right there - on the car! Shame on the old guy. I'd like to send him a nasty note. Maybe with some dog poop in it. But the police wouldn't like it. Harassing the citizens and all. Bummer.
Ten-Seven
Something I haven't written about yet is when I must tow a vehicle away. Not just cars either. I've towed thirty-foot motor homes, trailers (some with boats on them), motorcycles, semi trucks, 60's vans, even a scooter once (!). With a little kid still on it! No, no just kidding there. He went into the ice cream shop and while he wasn't looking....again, just kidding. I can't help myself, you know.
Anyway, there are only a few reasons why a vehicle might get towed away (almost sounds like it's never coming back - and I wish some of them wouldn't!). The most common is that the vehicle's registration has lapsed. If it's six months out of date, we can impound it. We can't crush it into a cube, but honestly, sometimes we'd like to. If it's been stored on the street in the same place for more than seventy-two hours, we can take it. Now look, we are on to all the tricks. If you move it across the street or roll it forward or backward, this does not constitute "moving the vehicle." Yes, technically it has "moved" but don't be a wiseguy. We left you that little red tag for a reason: so you'd read it and learn the law. Too bad if you didn't.
There are other reasons to tow as well. A common one is a street sign that says in effect, If You Park Here We Will Tow Your Car Away. I wish it said that in reality and not just in effect because people will park there anyway and completely ignore the sign that simply says Tow-Away Zone No Parking Any Time. It's amazing how many of those kinds of tows we get, whether they are the temporary type signs put up because of a parade, street repair or some other street work that needs a-doin', or the regular old street signs on poles. You know, the ones people routinely ignore anyway.
There are also the cars that are simply abandoned. There are cars that are missing parts (like engines) that may be hazards and can be towed for that reason (I wish you could tow away some people who are hazards but, sadly, we're not there yet). And there are cars that are parked illegally, like in a red zone for instance, that have no proof of registration - no plates, no VIN. Why anyone would do that is a complete mystery. Maybe they hate the car and are trying to get rid of it or maybe it's just a bad case of the Stupid Flu.
Then there are those vehicles we find that have more than five unpaid parking tickets in our computer system. We call those "keepers." Oooh, what fun. I enjoy running the paperwork back at the station and seeing exactly how much the person owes. Sometimes it's been more than $1,000. Can you imagine? I would start a keeper "pool" and take bets on how much the person owes and whoever is closest gets the money. But I can't do that. The police wouldn't like it. Gambling on duty and all. Bummer.
One quick story: a few weeks ago I impounded a young woman's SUV which I found out really belonged to her father back in the Midwest. I was furious at the old man. What the heck was he doing letting his daughter drive out west in a car that wasn't registered? For over a year! The plate was even listed in the system as "destroyed." Destroyed? I saw it right there - on the car! Shame on the old guy. I'd like to send him a nasty note. Maybe with some dog poop in it. But the police wouldn't like it. Harassing the citizens and all. Bummer.
Ten-Seven
A Futile Gesture
Hello everyone,
Today some guy flipped me the middle finger. This is not a terribly unusual occurrence but this one, given what's going on in the world, was slightly different. At least for me. Here's what happened: I was driving along and he was driving in the opposite direction towards me. He had left the ticket on his window under the driver's side wiper but the envelope was open. The little blue and white ticket was there flapping in the breeze. When he saw me, he stuck his arm out the window and flipped me "the bird" as they say (although honestly I don't know why they call it that). It struck me funny and I laughed. He saw me laughing which gave me no end of pleasure (twisting the knife, I believe that's called). I didn't even write him that ticket, of that I was sure. But my enjoyment of the moment soon gave way to a different feeling. I don't know, empathy maybe. I understood his frustration and the futile gesture it caused. This might have made him feel better momentarily but really had no effect on the situation whatsoever. And that's what I started thinking about.
I'm extremely upset about the gulf coast oil spill. This is turning into a gigantic ecological disaster. I feel upset, and angry, and...powerless. Just like that poor guy must have felt. I have made my displeasure with the situation known on other websites that I frequent and I really began to see the futility of my gestures too. They made me feel better (slightly) just to vent, but really what effect would they have?
I wanted to go find that guy and tell him this: I understand your taking your frustration out on me by saluting me as you did but it won't change the fact that you got the darned thing for parking illegally. If you really want to do something, run for city council and then have those signs changed (you know, those signs you didn't obey). Then and only then will you really get the satisfaction you are looking for. This is not easy and it's a long and, I suppose, arduous way of making that change but there's not much else you can do.
What can I do about the oil spill? Run for Congress? That's about it. Make new laws so these kinds of things can't happen again. I suppose both he and I could write to our appropriate representatives but let's face it, that won't do much to make us feel any better. The world is ours. We should become the change we want to see, to quote Gandhi. Which is certainly easier said than done.
Did you ever think you'd see the Mahatma's name in this blog? Be honest.
Nope, me neither.
Ten-Seven
Today some guy flipped me the middle finger. This is not a terribly unusual occurrence but this one, given what's going on in the world, was slightly different. At least for me. Here's what happened: I was driving along and he was driving in the opposite direction towards me. He had left the ticket on his window under the driver's side wiper but the envelope was open. The little blue and white ticket was there flapping in the breeze. When he saw me, he stuck his arm out the window and flipped me "the bird" as they say (although honestly I don't know why they call it that). It struck me funny and I laughed. He saw me laughing which gave me no end of pleasure (twisting the knife, I believe that's called). I didn't even write him that ticket, of that I was sure. But my enjoyment of the moment soon gave way to a different feeling. I don't know, empathy maybe. I understood his frustration and the futile gesture it caused. This might have made him feel better momentarily but really had no effect on the situation whatsoever. And that's what I started thinking about.
I'm extremely upset about the gulf coast oil spill. This is turning into a gigantic ecological disaster. I feel upset, and angry, and...powerless. Just like that poor guy must have felt. I have made my displeasure with the situation known on other websites that I frequent and I really began to see the futility of my gestures too. They made me feel better (slightly) just to vent, but really what effect would they have?
I wanted to go find that guy and tell him this: I understand your taking your frustration out on me by saluting me as you did but it won't change the fact that you got the darned thing for parking illegally. If you really want to do something, run for city council and then have those signs changed (you know, those signs you didn't obey). Then and only then will you really get the satisfaction you are looking for. This is not easy and it's a long and, I suppose, arduous way of making that change but there's not much else you can do.
What can I do about the oil spill? Run for Congress? That's about it. Make new laws so these kinds of things can't happen again. I suppose both he and I could write to our appropriate representatives but let's face it, that won't do much to make us feel any better. The world is ours. We should become the change we want to see, to quote Gandhi. Which is certainly easier said than done.
Did you ever think you'd see the Mahatma's name in this blog? Be honest.
Nope, me neither.
Ten-Seven
Monday, May 10, 2010
And Now For Something Completely Different
I talk a lot on this blog about writing parking tickets (well, duh) but let's talk about something else, yes? Quite often us parking ticket types are asked (that's being polite - we're ordered) to block off a street if there is an emergency of one kind or another. Such as? Well, such as: a traffic accident, a fire, a bomb threat, a hostage situation, a shooting, or more desirably (although not to everyone) a parade.
Let's see what happens when this is our assignment. Typically, we are told: "Block this street (or alley or driveway access) and don't let anyone through." That's it. Pretty straightforward. This is generally for the safety of the citizenry but you'd never know that. To them it is one massive inconvenience. How, they wonder (usually aloud) am I going to get where I need to be? Which is always right in the thick of what is going on. Recently we did have a bomb scare and you'd be surprised (would you, really?) at how many people wanted to go....over there. Yes, there. Just over there. I wanted to say to them this: "Would you like to drive right into the bomb (or the fire or the shooter) or would you just like to interfere with the policemen and firemen who are dealing with it?" Believe it or not, there is a reason why buildings are evacuated. Why people are kept away from dangerous situations. This is not TV, you cannot change the channel. And yes, this WILL be on the news. Do you want to appear on the news as the one putz who insisted on getting himself blown up?
It's just as bad when it's a parade. Ah, civic pride. There's nothing like it. There's also nothing like marching bands and horses lining up on your block just when Junior has to have you take him out for pistachio ice cream right now or he's going to hold his breath again. I'll bet you'd like to take him out, wouldn't you? Anyway, the same parades are held in our town every year at the same time. Notices are sent a week or more in advance to every household that may be affected. Signs are put up on the streets days ahead warning that parking there on parade day will result in your buggy being towed away. But, I kid you not, people act as if this massive undertaking has been sprung on them in the middle of the night. I didn't know Officer. I've only been living here for 35 years. And yes, I'm a moron. How did you know?
It's pretty pathetic when we put up Street Closed signs, block the street with our vehicles, stand there waving cars away and still have someone drive up to us and ask us if they can go through. The exchange usually goes like this:
Can I go through?
No.
But I live right there!
No.
But I just live right there!
No.
This could go on for a half an hour or so until the resident gets tired out or finally gets the hint that we are not budging. Is it your goal to run over the entire Pee-Wee Karate School, Ma'am? Are you harboring some kind of grudge against them that we should know about? Oh, or maybe your vehicle is really a float? The float representing the Terminally Clueless!
I tell you, it's crazy. And the sad part is, we can't write them a ticket for acting like this.
10-7
Let's see what happens when this is our assignment. Typically, we are told: "Block this street (or alley or driveway access) and don't let anyone through." That's it. Pretty straightforward. This is generally for the safety of the citizenry but you'd never know that. To them it is one massive inconvenience. How, they wonder (usually aloud) am I going to get where I need to be? Which is always right in the thick of what is going on. Recently we did have a bomb scare and you'd be surprised (would you, really?) at how many people wanted to go....over there. Yes, there. Just over there. I wanted to say to them this: "Would you like to drive right into the bomb (or the fire or the shooter) or would you just like to interfere with the policemen and firemen who are dealing with it?" Believe it or not, there is a reason why buildings are evacuated. Why people are kept away from dangerous situations. This is not TV, you cannot change the channel. And yes, this WILL be on the news. Do you want to appear on the news as the one putz who insisted on getting himself blown up?
It's just as bad when it's a parade. Ah, civic pride. There's nothing like it. There's also nothing like marching bands and horses lining up on your block just when Junior has to have you take him out for pistachio ice cream right now or he's going to hold his breath again. I'll bet you'd like to take him out, wouldn't you? Anyway, the same parades are held in our town every year at the same time. Notices are sent a week or more in advance to every household that may be affected. Signs are put up on the streets days ahead warning that parking there on parade day will result in your buggy being towed away. But, I kid you not, people act as if this massive undertaking has been sprung on them in the middle of the night. I didn't know Officer. I've only been living here for 35 years. And yes, I'm a moron. How did you know?
It's pretty pathetic when we put up Street Closed signs, block the street with our vehicles, stand there waving cars away and still have someone drive up to us and ask us if they can go through. The exchange usually goes like this:
Can I go through?
No.
But I live right there!
No.
But I just live right there!
No.
This could go on for a half an hour or so until the resident gets tired out or finally gets the hint that we are not budging. Is it your goal to run over the entire Pee-Wee Karate School, Ma'am? Are you harboring some kind of grudge against them that we should know about? Oh, or maybe your vehicle is really a float? The float representing the Terminally Clueless!
I tell you, it's crazy. And the sad part is, we can't write them a ticket for acting like this.
10-7
Monday, April 12, 2010
Big Mistake
The other day I heard that the small Texas town of Round Rock, which is outside of Austin, is going to start enabling volunteers (!) to give out overtime parking tickets in their downtown. Wow. I think this is a baaaaaad idea. It's tough enough on those of us who do this job in uniform in connection with some city police department, with police radios and pepper spray, etc. I can't imagine this is going to go well. The store owners are upset because they can't help but notice the cars that sit out in front of their businesses in the two-hour zone all day long. In our little town it's slightly different. Here it's mostly the business owners that sit all day in the two-hour zones in front of their businesses. They just hate it when we come by. As I write the ticket I love telling them, "You may own this business, but I own the street."
Anyway, what's going to happen in Texas? Here's a sample of the dialogue I think might occur:
Billy Bob: Earl, just what in the world do you think you're doing?
Earl: Well Billy Bob, you've been sittin' in this here two-hour parkin' zone for three and a half hours. I'm writin' you a parkin' ticket.
BB: Like hell you are.
E: Nah, it's true. And you gotta pay it too.
BB: Like hell I will. Earl, I fixed your lawnmower. How can you do this?
E: Watch me. And by the way, I think you overcharged me for fixin' that darned thing.
BB: My wife and yours play bridge together!
E: Well, your wife better start winnin' then, so she can pay this here ticket for ya.
BB: Earl, don't make me have to kick your ass.
E: Like hell you will!
It, of course, gets worse from there. One lady in the news story I heard about this said if she got one of these tickets she'd just rip it up and throw it away. I wonder what one of these volunteers will do when that happens. Fine her for littering too? This simply cannot end well and I urge the Round Rock City Council and the Mayor to stop and reconsider this foolish course of action. Of course, it could make for another great installment of the "Tuna" play series.
Ten-Seven, y'all.
Anyway, what's going to happen in Texas? Here's a sample of the dialogue I think might occur:
Billy Bob: Earl, just what in the world do you think you're doing?
Earl: Well Billy Bob, you've been sittin' in this here two-hour parkin' zone for three and a half hours. I'm writin' you a parkin' ticket.
BB: Like hell you are.
E: Nah, it's true. And you gotta pay it too.
BB: Like hell I will. Earl, I fixed your lawnmower. How can you do this?
E: Watch me. And by the way, I think you overcharged me for fixin' that darned thing.
BB: My wife and yours play bridge together!
E: Well, your wife better start winnin' then, so she can pay this here ticket for ya.
BB: Earl, don't make me have to kick your ass.
E: Like hell you will!
It, of course, gets worse from there. One lady in the news story I heard about this said if she got one of these tickets she'd just rip it up and throw it away. I wonder what one of these volunteers will do when that happens. Fine her for littering too? This simply cannot end well and I urge the Round Rock City Council and the Mayor to stop and reconsider this foolish course of action. Of course, it could make for another great installment of the "Tuna" play series.
Ten-Seven, y'all.
Friday, April 9, 2010
The Seven Parking Dwarfs
Good Evening Citizens. I've noticed a lot of weird behavior on this job, and it occurred to me that some of it reminded me of the famous seven little guys who gave Snow White such a hand. Here then is my list:
Dopey - This describes so much of what I see. Bad driving and bad parking are only a part of it. Many times I've stopped to cite a car because the registration tags (or tabs, as they are sometimes called) are out of date. And many is the time that the dope comes out of their house or business to show me, "Oh, I have them right here in my glove box." I tell them, "Um, they took away our x-ray vision and we can't see into your glove box. They need to be on the plate." Why do we still call them glove boxes, by the way? Anyone still storing gloves in there? Anyway, I've had women tell me that "their mechanic puts them on for them" (Really? But it's so easy) or that they were waiting until they washed the car (why not wash that little spot and put them on?) You have to understand, some of these tags stay off the plate for months! As I said, Dopey.
Grumpy - This is pretty much most people to whom I give a ticket. It's understandable. But sometimes I get a person who simply takes the ticket, admits they made a mistake and even smiles and says thanks. These I would say are Happy.
Sleepy - Once in a while you actually get someone sleeping in their vehicle (didn't they hear the sweeper truck go around them? They're loud, you know). I like to see if I can sneak up, get the last 4 of the VIN, and place the ticket under their wiper without disturbing them. What fun! I love the ones who wake up (usually Grumpy) and say, "Why didn't you wake me up?" What am I, your wife? Your alarm clock? Usually I just say, that's not part of my job description and leave. I've also had times where I did not notice the person laying all the way back in the seat nodding. When they pop up it has scared me silly. I can't take too much of that. I am getting older. You'll notice I didn't say anything about those who have no choice but to sleep in their cars (lost their house, fought with their wife - usually it's a guy) because I feel bad for those people. Those who are homeless deserve a break. Heaven knows they haven't had a break for about 8 years so I figure they're due.
Screamy and Yelley - More like Siamese twins I suppose than dwarfs. You know the type so I won't even describe them. But I have had these folks say things like, "A monkey could do your job!" Maybe...one that could read and write and drive. Or "You hate people!" No sir, only you right now. Or, "Why don't you get a real job?" I say, "Why, do you have one for me?" Mostly I say, "This is a real job. I get paid and have benefits and everything." They hate to hear that.
And finally the last dwarf - Clueless. These types say things like, "What sign?" Or, "Oh, I didn't even read it." Or, "I only read the one sign and not the other one." I love the ones who park in an 8 to 10 sweeper zone, come out of their house at 9 after the sweeper has gone around and ask me, "Can I move it now?" I actually said once, "Please, wait until I put my head under the tire. Then you can move it!"
I probably shouldn't have said that.
10-7
By the way, I always thought the plural of dwarf was dwarves. Dictionary dot com says either is acceptable. Okay then.
Dopey - This describes so much of what I see. Bad driving and bad parking are only a part of it. Many times I've stopped to cite a car because the registration tags (or tabs, as they are sometimes called) are out of date. And many is the time that the dope comes out of their house or business to show me, "Oh, I have them right here in my glove box." I tell them, "Um, they took away our x-ray vision and we can't see into your glove box. They need to be on the plate." Why do we still call them glove boxes, by the way? Anyone still storing gloves in there? Anyway, I've had women tell me that "their mechanic puts them on for them" (Really? But it's so easy) or that they were waiting until they washed the car (why not wash that little spot and put them on?) You have to understand, some of these tags stay off the plate for months! As I said, Dopey.
Grumpy - This is pretty much most people to whom I give a ticket. It's understandable. But sometimes I get a person who simply takes the ticket, admits they made a mistake and even smiles and says thanks. These I would say are Happy.
Sleepy - Once in a while you actually get someone sleeping in their vehicle (didn't they hear the sweeper truck go around them? They're loud, you know). I like to see if I can sneak up, get the last 4 of the VIN, and place the ticket under their wiper without disturbing them. What fun! I love the ones who wake up (usually Grumpy) and say, "Why didn't you wake me up?" What am I, your wife? Your alarm clock? Usually I just say, that's not part of my job description and leave. I've also had times where I did not notice the person laying all the way back in the seat nodding. When they pop up it has scared me silly. I can't take too much of that. I am getting older. You'll notice I didn't say anything about those who have no choice but to sleep in their cars (lost their house, fought with their wife - usually it's a guy) because I feel bad for those people. Those who are homeless deserve a break. Heaven knows they haven't had a break for about 8 years so I figure they're due.
Screamy and Yelley - More like Siamese twins I suppose than dwarfs. You know the type so I won't even describe them. But I have had these folks say things like, "A monkey could do your job!" Maybe...one that could read and write and drive. Or "You hate people!" No sir, only you right now. Or, "Why don't you get a real job?" I say, "Why, do you have one for me?" Mostly I say, "This is a real job. I get paid and have benefits and everything." They hate to hear that.
And finally the last dwarf - Clueless. These types say things like, "What sign?" Or, "Oh, I didn't even read it." Or, "I only read the one sign and not the other one." I love the ones who park in an 8 to 10 sweeper zone, come out of their house at 9 after the sweeper has gone around and ask me, "Can I move it now?" I actually said once, "Please, wait until I put my head under the tire. Then you can move it!"
I probably shouldn't have said that.
10-7
By the way, I always thought the plural of dwarf was dwarves. Dictionary dot com says either is acceptable. Okay then.
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